God of Small Things

As I was sitting at my desk doing work, I suddenly got a fantastic whiff of my favorite smell in the whole world (no, I don’t mean Indian man B.O). Rain! The monsoons are over and the hottest month of the year is coming to a halt (trust me, you never want to experience ‘October Heat’), so this anomalous rain is like a muse for me and triggered my need to write! Some of my most cherished childhood memories in India include getting drenched in the rain, standing on Marine Drive (in Bombay) overlooking the Arabian Sea and squealing as I got hit in both directions by the crashing waves as well as thunderous rain, and generally acting a fool. Now when it rains, I think it’s safe to say we all run to find shelter in the absence of umbrellas in case our hair might frizz (girls (and guys)- I KNOW!), or clothes get wet and see-through, we catch a cold etc. (i.e: Most recently when we ran like fools after getting our hurr did for Shiv’s wedding). Next time it rains, I promise to do a Bollywood-esque rain dance. In a white sari.

PS- i also felt the need to write about heat to rub that fact in as i know you all are freezing your little tushies off :D (or big tushies, whatever i am not going to name names).

Speaking of Bombay, since my last trip there, I have been overwhelmed with the ‘smallness’ of things around me. Some things in mini sizes and quantities are great- puppies, travel accessories, my aunt’s ‘milkshake’ (don’t ask), dresses, shots. Some things in mini sizes are just annoying- loofahs, people (read: midgets and girls in clubs), small food portions when you are hungry and then you order three of them and the waiter looks at you like you are crazy and is making a mental note to ask the chef to at least use ‘I cant believe its not butter’- well you know what, sometimes, a girl GOTTA EAT!!! Sorry. Where was I? Ah yes, small things.

All these things are at least acceptable, but when EVERYTHING around you is tiny, you start to feel like Gulliver. I slept over at my cousin’s place the other day, and the bed was as tall as my knees. Now I am no Amazon woman by any means (that would be Truly Tyler- hehe love you), so this was baffling. My coffee was in a mug comparable to the size my dolls used to entertain their tea party guests with. Bananas are about the size of my thumb (at least I have freakishly long fingers). Even stairs are smaller in size I swear, which leads to there being more of them. All this leads me to believe that I either need to lay off the meth, have become too accustomed to the genetic engineering of fruit, or that these sizes have evolved to accommodate the smaller sizes that Indians come in and hence their appetites and appliances. Even at my own home, I have to lean very low to brush my teeth in the sink, heat something on the stove etc- it’s all just built for those of a smaller build I suppose, which leaves me to needing a chiropractor at age 22.

I conclude hearkening back to my ‘foolywang’ post and would like to add a couple things/phenomenas if you will that I have observed lately that make me question so much yet love everything that is India:

1. Men holding hands with other men without being gay in the least bit. Let me ask the men reading this blog- would you walk around town holding hands with your buddy? Like I mean intimate hand holding- fingers intertwined and such. As Lil Wayne says, ‘no homo’. My brother and I have always had a great time pointing this business out to my mother who laughingly reprimanded us and vehemently supported their apparent ‘innocent friendship’. Now I am not suggesting that the entire male population of India is secretly gay, but homosexuality in India warrants its own post.
2. This is my new favorite thing to watch for as I am in the car- In Pune, most people commute on motorcycles. Some nice friends on these motorcycles decide to help conserve their bicycling friends’ energy by giving them a ride. How it works is that some champ on a bicycle has one hand on his handlebar, and the other on his motorcycle friends’ shoulder and doesn’t pedal- he just uses his friends momentum to ride along. Priceless.
   
   Maybe these guys just really want to hold hands but cant since they are on the move? Who knows, I tried getting pictures of this many times but alas, those blighters are too fast for me.
   
   On that note, I am off- Happy Halloween everyone!!!! Hope you enjoyed my painstakngly festive colors :) How I miss Halloween at Fells Point, Theta parties and watching Chelsea carve pumpkins!!!

One love.

Special Delivery!

I have been freaking out pretty much all day regarding my future plans- school, career, marriage (hah) etc (It’s really great to be living with your parents, you should try it! 2 thumbs up, Siskel and Ebert style. Wait Ebert died. Roper maybe? Ahhh I’m losing it) so I take this welcome break to updated you my loved ones.

My data collection part at work is done! I reached the sample size I needed to (and then some), so now I am left to analyze my results. Since it was a qualitative study (with q/a format- not necessarily multiple choice), it is really hard to wrap my head around all the different responses and form a logical ‘conclusion’. I’ve been having flashbacks to Biostats courses- and let me tell you- they don’t help! Quit Hopkins NOW. I kiiiid, Blue Jay till I die. While I am being a super nerd, let me tell you how incredible the new Microsoft Office is. Effing unbelievable, and I don’t usually get aroused by technology, but writing research papers on it is now fun. OK done.

Once I am done with writing my paper, I’m looking to get it published in the ICMR Journal (Indian Center of Medical Research). Turns out the folks at NARI were actually impressed by my study and want to convert it into a nationally funded study that they will develop over the next couple years. Holla! Guess I wasn’t building sandcastles at high tide (that was a good one, admit it).

My next project is a child malnutrition study, and is modeled after a simple test called the Bangle Test, done in the ’70’s by two WHO guys to test the indicators and incidence of malnutrition in certain populations (half of the world’s child malnourished population is in South Asia). Apart from weight, measurement of the child’s mid-arm circumference is what I will be using to detect malnutrition. The normal mid-arm circumference is fairly static (15-16 cm) from 1-5 years of age- while that of a malnourished child is about 12.6 cm. In the bangle test, a bangle (used because it is very cheap and easily replicable) with an internal diameter of 4 cm is used. If a child’s mid-arm circumference is below normal, the bangle can be easily pushed up the arm- thus implying malnourishment. After this mass screening process, I can isolate children in need of nutritional supplements and proceed onward. Interesting, right? More on that when I begin, can’t wait AND I get to work with kids!

Since I have been writing my paper/ busy being pampered while being sick, I noticed the ease at which a person can live in India (if they can afford it). I don’t just mean the army of maids and chauffeurs, but the expedient delivery of things from groceries to clothing! Not only groceries, but fresh fish, chicken etc too. I wanted to watch a movie, so my mom called the DVD guy to come deliver the movie. I wanted McDonalds, that was delivered to me by a guy in a red and yellow moped. My bloodwork had to be done, the lab guy came home to do THAT, along with the doctor who brought along prescription drugs (Heaven forbid I had to go to the drugstore to get my meds!) If I wanted to buy sarees, the guy from my mom’s store would come in to display his collection. My manicure/pedicure ladies can come home as per my convenience while my dad’s massage guy comes home every Sunday. My brother would even get liquor delivered home with one simple phone call (why waste time in the pre-game if we ran out of booze?) Are Indians just lazy? Elitist? Classist? Ignorant? Or is it a bigger issue- that of surplus manpower. We do have a population of 1.2 BILLION people, and homeboys/girls need to make paper, and do these things HAPPILY. C’est la vie I guess, I’m not complaining too much although it bothers me a little. That reminds me, I have to fire the guy I hired to type my blog for me while I dictated. He never showed up, and now I need a new manicure! Maybe the my cabana boy feeding me grapes and spritzing my face with cool mist can take over? Someday I might conduct an experiment to see how long I can last by not leaving my house, and what I can get delivered. Kind of like the guy who ate at McDonalds everyday for a month to see what health problems he would aquire. What a jackass.

One a final note, I am pleased to announce (thanks to Tiffany) that Johnny Legend is in the studio recording his third album. I don’t think you understand how much JOY this brings me, almost brings me to tears really. That means that next fall-ish I will be a VERY happy girl (also hopefully accepted into a good MPH program) Oh also, Ace of Base and AQUA are reuniting for new albums respectively. Discuss. I am elated. I am celebrating by listening to ‘I saw the sign’. CLASSIC.

Bye ya’ll I miss you too much. Sadly that’s the one thing I would love, but can’t get delivered to me: My lovely friends!

Gotta have faith!

Good morning everyone! Crazy amounts of work, family play time, and schizophrenic internet connection are to blame for my lack of updates, but who am I to make excuses?

I have decided that I am one of those people who eats a shit ton of chocolate when I’m stressed. I didn’t think I qualified considering I am not a 400 pound woman who needs a cord to help me walk from bed to bathroom. But, I have consumed so much in the past hour itself that the golden wrappers have made a golden blanket on my bed. 4 years at Hopkins have not caused me as much stress as the Indian cricket team. I cannot believe I stayed home from work to watch what is possibly the worst cricket performance my team has singularly displayed against the Australians (and trust me, there have been plenty to pick from). That aside, it gives me time to update you all, so I’m not going to complain.

This is a pretty fun time to be in the motherland- September to December is full of festivals, celebrations (AKA more food, yesss). For the first time in a long time, the Hindu festival of Ganesh has coincided with the Muslim month of Ramadan. In a country where you hear so much about Hindu-Muslim riots of late (the Bombay bomb blasts of 1993, or Gujarat riots of 2001), it is touching to hear stories of Muslims breaking their fast with a bite of modak (a popular sweet (that I heart) distributed during the Ganesh festival). I was in Bombay a couple of weeks ago, and in a remarkable case of non-brattiness, I decided to take a cab to commute. The tire got punctured, and I had to switch cabs. It was about 6:20 and my new cab driver was an old, sweet looking Muslim old man. He hesitated to take me in, but sensing my distress (I was hungry, surprise surprise) he let me in. Turns out, he had to break his fast at 6:30 and had been fasting all day long. I felt really bad for him and offered him water that I had (silly Apoorva, he was hungry- not thirsty!) He decided to stop the car, hobble out, pray in a makeshift mosque, grab food and get back in the car in a matter of 10 minutes. He then proceeded to offer food to a girl sitting in another cab (how he knew she was Muslim, I don’t know), but she had fruits which she in turn offered to him. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this story, but I was very touched by his commitment to his faith and compassion for a fellow faster.

In an international display of faith and solidarity of another kind, I was enraptured by the pro-democracy protests in Burma led by the country’s Buddhist monks. I have been a long admirer of Aung San Suu Kyi, and it was an incredibly poignant moment in the revolution against the tyrannical junta when the monks arrived at the house where she has been under house arrest for the past many years. But are protests and demonstrations the most effective form of getting your voice heard and change underway? Tough question- especially when it happens at your own doorstep.

A couple nights ago, we were all asleep at home circa 2 am. I thought I heard voices at the gate, but I assumed it was just another one of my recent lunatic dreams (that’s another story in itself). Turns out, it was a group of about 200 students that were upset with the slow pace of renovations of their dorms. There was more to this story in terms of political aggression against my dad etc, but that’s beyond the scope of this blog at the moment. Thankfully, there were enough security guards present at the gate and didn’t allow the demonstration to continue up the driveway. There were media persons present, complete with cameras recording every moment; urging the students to ‘scream louder’, ‘agitate MORE’ just to have a juicy news story. Everything is resolved now, but it truly begs the question of the drivers for change. Are demonstrations the only way to get your point across in these days in the developing world? Screw developing world, I think we all witnessed the protests against Ahmedinejad’s speech at Columbia last week. We in America tout our freedom of speech etc and have a God-complex over the developing world. Many might applaud Dean Bollinger’s verbal attack on the Iranian President, but I think the victory was Ahmedinejad’s. He knew what he was doing and saying. He knew that unequivocally (in his mind) stating that ‘there were no homosexuals in Iran, etc would appall the ‘developed’ world’ (god I hate that word), and spur an onslaught of debates and hence publicity for HIM! That said, one must consider the cultural context and dichotomy present in thoughts around world, which the East and West just do not accept of the other. There was nothing but ludicrous statements one after the other in his speech, and we must just take it for what it is- foolywang material (yess the word has made a comeback). On the bright side, the protests and debate shows that democratic process is alive and kicking, but is nonetheless disconcerting when it hits this close to home (in my case, literally)!

In non-political news, I am currently listening to Kanye’s new album (albeit a month late), and I must say I am impressed! He is one intelligent cat, and the way he weaves current affairs and pop culture in rhymes is uncanny, I especially like ‘big brother’ and ‘champion’. I went into the store yesterday to buy it (My internet- which doesn’t exist at the moment- has firewalls that don’t allow me to download music, egad) and realized that this was probably the first CD I bought after the spice girls’ 3rd album Spice World. No joke. Actually no, lies, I bought their greatest hits. Nevermind. Point being, I had to ask around for where his CD was in the store, because I was blinded by all the ‘Curtis’ paraphernalia (by the way, I conclude that Fiddy is quite possibly THE most unfortunate looking em-effer I have ever seen, second only to Yoda). Amazing, I think India is the only country where Fiddy’s album probably outsold Kanye’s. Figures as much, crappy cars that do not sell in the overseas market are dropped with fanfare for the Indian consumers, much like good ol’ Curtis’s album.

Speaking of music, explain to me why the Black Eyed Peas and Akon of all people are performing in various venues in India? Actually a more appropriate question is WHO are the foolywang folk showing up to their shit? I will say this though- I am looking forward to my girl B’s (Beyonce, gosh) concert later this month. Shit is going to be hot.

I have a lot more to write, obviously since I haven’t written to you all in 2 weeks. Knowing your attention spans rival that of fruit flies, I will spare you and promise to write more upon my return from Bombay this Sunday. Peace outside kids, and pray for my cricket team, will you? Love love love you all!!!